Hello, would you like to hear a story?
Once, i saw a man with a large orange umbrella. I was standing in a light misty rain, thinking about how miserable angels must be to live in clouds, which are cold and damp. But then this man walked by, and I became totally distracted from my daydream. I thought, "wow! i wonder if this man is trying to make a statement." I really wanted to ask him about it, but i am afraid of talking to strange men at night, especially when it is cold and rainy. As he walked further and further away from me, i felt the opportunity to find out the story behind the orange umbrella slipping through my fingers. I shifted my weight anxiously, and looked up and down the sparsely populated street. Across the way there was a small coffeeshop with free wi-fi, next to a dim bookstore which had closed for the evening. The rain became a wintry mix, a most unpleasant combination of freezing rain and sleet. I thought about hot chocolate, maybe with a dash of cinnamon. The man in the orange umbrella was gone, and my socks were wet. I became a little irritated. i wondered why there weren't more waterproof shoes as i strode briskly down the street, opposite the direction the man with the orange umbrella had gone. I looked at my feet, trying to find the happy medium between moving fast enough so that the puddles wouldn't flood my shoes but not moving so fast that i would miss the new patches of black ice sprouting all around me. I headbutted the backside of a large, scary man. I only say scary because all large men at night are scary. He whipped around. I backed up. Behind him, he had a rusty taco cart. His face was shadowed by a tiny purple umbrella hat. this was not reassuring at all. His face broke out into a terrifying smile and he said,Would you like an umbrella? Only $3. I've got all sizes. I nervously shook my head no, no, as bits of ice scattered from my hood. Besides, I needed the $3 to buy my subway ticket home. The umbrella man shrugged, looked a little sad. Suddenly, the man with the large orange umbrella rounded the corner and sprinted towards the vendor. Thank you, he said, that was a most satisfactory test run. It did indeed keep my head warm and my socks dry and deflected the rain most satisfactorily. You're quite welcome, said the umbrella man, come back anytime. And then the man handed the large orange umbrella back to vendor and skipped away.
Now i am sad to say that this story is quite untrue, and has, in fact, never ever happened to me. But i would like to have a large orange umbrella. And i can't believe you spent all this time reading this.